How often have you thought or felt that you were right and the other person was wrong?
It is perhaps one of the most common traps that causes disconnection and conflict in relationships. Although I am familiar with this trap, I had an interesting experience while visiting my dad in Switzerland this summer. An experience that clearly illustrates the truth of the following: Everyone is right from their own perspective.
My dad had recently moved into an apartment for elders and asked me to help him hang some of his treasures from Africa on a wall. Since he is not allowed to put any nails into the walls himself, he wanted me to play with the display on the floor, then make a drawing afterwards for the maintenance man. We were sitting about three feet apart when he told me where I should place the items on the floor. I put an object down and sat back on my chair, before I placed the next one on the floor. When all the items were arranged, I again sat back on my chair. We looked at the final display and he pointed out that the fly chaser, an object with an animal tail, needed to be turned more to the left. I first insisted that the way I had put it down was correct. But my dad was not at all happy and continued to say that I was wrong. I decided that it was not worth getting into an argument with my 88 year old father, whom I only see once a year, about who was right and who was wrong. In order to disperse the tension and feel emotionally closer again, I instinctively moved my chair next to him. Only when I was sitting right next to him, did I understand what had just happened. We were both right. From where he was sitting, the way he wanted the object placed looked correct. From where I had been sitting, three feet away, it looked correct as well. We were both right from our different perspectives. We laughed about it in the end and my dad now has everything up on his wall exactly the way he wanted it. He is happy and so am I.
This story demonstrates how easily we can get into fights about the question, who is right and who is wrong. It also shows that fighting about who is right and who is wrong is useless. We would be much better off, to remember to “put our chairs” next to one other, so we can see the things in front of us from the same point of view. Another possibility is to put ourselves into the other person’s position to see how things look from their perspective. This can make all the difference in the world and our relationships would benefit greatly.